Aside

rant

Having Sharon in Sigma is getting more and more and more and more difficult each day. I was already kind of disappointed that my snap to her from the hospital was responded to with just a picture of her having fun at Kicks for Kids.. and then I get a “so foot diagnosis?” text (9 hours later). Way to be concerned. So that was frustrating. Then I see the Instagram picture of her and Maddie with the hashtag “obsessed”. That hurt. (sidenote: also kinda bummed me out that Maddie posted the picture of her and Sharon from formal with the lovey dovey caption) Then I hear her coming through the bathroom. Door opens. It’s Sofia. They come through and Sharon’s all “omg em you’re gonna die”. I GET THAT YOU ALREADY KNOW THE STORY. Then Sof gets a text and… shows it to Sharon. Then they leave. Together. To the library. Sofia had a room booked, and Sharon “had to meet Maddie”. I’m worried about Sharon and Maddie becoming a thing. And Emma and Elle are a thing. And then there’s me.

Soon, it’s going to be summer.

And that’s going to make this whole 100 Happy Days thing a lot harder. Right now it’s easy: I can use Greek Week events or other Sigma things. There’s something pretty big happening every day. But once summer rolls around, my posts will be about more trivial things. And I’m really, really excited for that! It’s going to be a challenge, but thinking about the small things in life is what’s going to make the change in me. I’m happy now because lots of fun stuff is going on. But soon my posts are going to be “it was sunny out and the breeze was just right”, or “I had the best breakfast EVER”. And when I think about those things and recognize them as little moments of joy – THAT’S when I’m going to be a happier person in general. And I can’t wait!!

I’ve been thinking a lot about summer.

What’s is going to be like to be home for 4 months? I’ve learned that my happiness depends on the people I surround myself with. I don’t have friends in Falmouth.

Are people going to care about my birthday? Will they send me presents?Will Dani really fly up? What’s Sam LaFratta going to say/do? Bailey? Emma?

Am I going to make friends with baseball boy? I’m actually in college now. A hookup would rock. I wanna party with the team.

Where will I be working? Will I be happy? Will I have friends there? How busy am I going to be?

What am I going to do about bathing suits?

Will Leah really come visit me? Will I be able to come visit Boston?

Will Ashley really come up for a bit? Will Elle? Will I go to Tennessee?

Mostly, I’m just really unsure about how I’m going to be okay. Even one week and I can feel the depression settling in. I think the key is keeping busy, making friends, and having old friends visit. Keep up the same front I’ve had at school – the friendly girl who can talk to anyone. I’m really nervous that my birthday is going to be tough. I spent 18 at the MFA with my mom. I don’t want to feel like I don’t matter on 19, because that will drive me right back into last summer’s sadness.

Here’s to this summer being a million times better than the last, and just as wonderful as freshman year.

sometimes things fall apart so better things can fall together

Late February – it’s really cold. There’s brown-gray snow lining the streets. My planner is filled with midterms and papers. It’s time to figure out housing for next year… everything is kind of miserable.

Since October, the plan was to live with Emma, my roommate from this year, Sharon and Bailey, our suitemates, and Tavia, the girl across the the hall. Once everyone else started trying to figure out housing, Emma’s friend Marianna was stranded. Emma, without talking to us, invited her to join us in a 6-person apartment. Yeah, that was annoying, but it was fine. We didn’t know Marianna, and we weren’t sure how living with her would be, but it wouldn’t be the end of the world.

Then we found out there are only 28 6-person apartments on campus.

We formed pairs: Emma and Marianna, me and Sharon, Bailey and Tavia. We decided that Bailey and Tavia would be floaters while Emma and Marianna and Sharon and I tried to find another pair to live with one of us. Then, Bailey and Tavia decided that they would rather live with Emma and Marianna because they didn’t want to be around me and Sharon and our “sigma-ness”.

Sharon and I got the short end of the stick. The very short end. We were MAD. I reached out to my two friends in Sigma, Emma and Elle, because I knew Elle was having second thoughts about the other pair they were living with. She said she was going to suck it up and invite another girl it Sigma, Maddie to join them as a 5.

The 5 of them got dinner last night, so Maddie could meet the other pair. I guess it went terribly. Things blew up, and Emma, Elle, and Maddie ditched. They came to me and asked if Sharon and I would be interested in living in a 5 with them. (!!!)

I can’t even put into words how excited I am for next year! Here’s to my badge order buddies (Emma and Elle), my best friend (Sharon), and the girl who I’m not yet super close too but this is cool as fuck (Maddie).